You Can Cure Stupid…

Sumptuous Eggplant Parmesan

I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore.

Maybe it is because my patience has worn thin with bad manners and the reign of entitlement that is presently pervasive in America.

Perhaps I am just a little cranky because I spent time and love making eggplant parmesan and homemade roasted tomato sauce and went on a perspiring tear that literally lasted through two TV shows and two outfits ….so I am done!

Prior to cooking, I was driving with the dogs, preparing to make a left on Idaho in Santa Monica when a self-impressed dude with early male pattern baldness driving a souped-up BMW convertible decides to disobey the stop sign and just carries on through the intersection.

I stop my turn, break to a screeching halt (had no other choice as we were on a collision course) and ask him why he didn’t obey the traffic rules and let me make the turn.

F-U finger out, major up and down movement with the hand while he glides his hand through his hair…old habits die hard as he was combing through an abbreviated remnant head of hair. All the douche had to do was wave or say, “I’m sorry” and all would have been forgotten… but no, he is dead wrong and continues to gesticulate and flap his lips.

I proceed to the next stop sign and a teenage boy strolls across the street, slowing to an almost complete stop as my car approaches the stop sign. He goes into Justin Bieber attitude walk with his pants jailin’ and it takes him literally (I swear) 2 minutes for him to cross the front of my car.

I had had enough of his posturing and asked him politely if he had shit in his pants. He almost fell over and then proceeded to stare at my car for another 4 blocks as I drove away.

We stopped for lunch and dined outside at a lovely restaurant in Malibu with my doggy companions, Madison and Berkeley.

Soon after, a self-impressed woman arrives with three dogs  and her emasculated husband in tow. The small, overly groomed dogs barked continually and when the husband finally removed one of the dogs to quiet it, the severe looking Russian wife in an age-inappropriate, too-short skirt, chewed him out for excluding the dog. Note, my dogs never made a sound. I do have perfect children (Courtny, as well!)

I actually could go on for pages, but here are my thoughts on quick and easy flash card check list for those who want to matriculate into society armed with good manners:

Mouth etiquette – Cover it when you yawn or cough and chew with your mouth closed. Spit the gum out before attending theater and movies. Floss in private.

Car etiquette – We can see you picking your nose at a traffic light, stop sign or in heavy traffic…. Don’t do it!

When a person is nice enough to put on their blinker when changing lanes, don’t speed up and not let them in. It will be fine if you arrive at your destination a milli-second later.

If you are in traffic or see a car getting out of a parking spot, let them in and don’t pretend you didn’t see them.

If you park in a garage, do not whip around corners in the middle of the ramp. If you do, flash a smile or apology wave.

Get the dog off your lap in the car and put the phone down. The earth will continue to spin on its axis if you wait a few more minutes before texting your important missive.

Restaurant etiquette – Don’t be rude and dismissive to the waiter. They have the keys to the city. Be polite. They do know all the best dishes and can mess with your food (or in your food) if you are a jerk.

Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and be respectful to the bus boys…. and please, let’s bring back the art of conversation in a restaurant. Stop with the phones at the table unless you are having a fully committed relationship with an Apple or Nokia or are texting sexy messages to your table companion.

Let’s all fight back against entitlement and rudeness. My husband always says, “You can’t cure stupid”…lets prove him wrong.

                                Worth the effort Sumptuous Eggplant Parmesan

-2 ripe medium eggplants

-2 eggs

-Fat free half and half

-Bunch, fresh basil

-Kosher Salt

-Fresh ground pepper

-Low fat sliced mozzarella and provolone cheese

-2 large boxes of sweet, ripe cherry tomatoes

-White wine


Slice eggplant thinly. Beat 2 eggs and add fat free half and half. Soak eggplant slices in batter. Preheat a fry pan with PAM, salt, pepper and proceed to brown eggplant on both sides until golden brown. This does take time so be patient.

Keep refreshing the crack in the pan (PAM). Remove each slice and place on paper towel to drain and cool. I usually make 20 slices.

In the meantime, rinse and drain tomatoes and place in bowl. Toss with EVOO, 1/3 cup inexpensive white wine, salt and pepper. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Roast tomatoes until they start to open and brown….usually 35 minutes.

Put in blender and add 1/3 cup fat free half and half and a bunch of rinsed fresh basil. Pulse until all tomatoes and basil are blended. Take baking (Pyrex) pan and spray with PAM and cover bottom with sauce. Then layer eggplant (6) on bottom, layer cheeses, then layer eggplant and cover top with sauce. Bake for 20 minutes. BTW, the tomato sauce is a great pasta sauce, as well…fast, easy, nutritious.

This is soo good and serves 8. Shower and indulge.


  1. Cathy Newman says:

    First of all, CALL ME the next time you make that eggplant parm! I’m coming RIGHT over. Secondly, how much do I love that you asked that kid if he shit his pants?!?! Love you!

  2. Cathy Newman says:

    First of all, CALL ME the next time you make that eggplant parm! I’m coming RIGHT over. Secondly, how much do I love that you asked that kid if he shit his pants?!?! Love you!

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