Yankees Put the Men In Menopause…

Yankee Game, June 24th, 2015
Yankee Game, June 24th, 2015

This season the Yankees look like they put the ‘men’ in menopause…too much sweating, drying up when it is time for action and radical mood swings.

One week they are happy, hitting and homering.

The next week they are demonstrating radical mood swings and play has plummeted…fielding errors, strikeouts, horrendous pitching, leaving runners in scoring position…sounds like most menopausal sufferers sex life.

What’s a fan to do…the only solution, like menopause, is to wait it out and hope for better days.

When the pitching staff is good they are very, very good and when they are bad, they are terrible.

New York Yankees v. Baltimore Orioles

CC Sabathia reminds me of middle-aged women…great for the first half of the game and then gets tired, cranky and implodes. And don’t get me started on Carlos Beltran. He is in dire need of hormone replacement therapy.

Jacoby Ellsbury is like my mother…there is always something wrong. Put your big boy pants on and play baseball.

I have also realized that there is no substitute for the real thing. Didi Gregorius does not have a hope in hell of replacing Derek Jeter. He has a strong throwing arm, but he makes too many fielding errors and can’t hit for shit…like butter, there is no substitute for the real thing.

There have been some surprises. The menopausal platoon players, Alex Rodriguez (40 on July 27th) and Mark Teixeira (35), have performed way better than expected…even April which is always unproductive for Mark was effective.

Masahiro Tanaka…as with friends, you invest a lot (7 years, $155 million) and rarely get much back. Tanaka has pitched well when healthy although he was throttled on Father’s Day…perhaps he will make it through the season without surgery.

photo:AP
photo:AP

For years, people had said that Brett Gardner was expendable. I was always a fan and now he is the anchor for the Yanks…he is the hottest player on the team. Laughs on you non-believers.

It appears catcher Brian McCann, Can because last year he Couldn’t. He signed a 5 year, $85 million contract. At that rate, he should be able to perform all the time. If he were a call girl, he wouldn’t get paid for non-performance.

photo: Bill Kostroun
photo: Bill Kostroun

Dellin Betances, my 6’8″ Andy Pettitte replacement in the lust department, has fulfilled all my fantasies and before he went on the DL, so did Andrew Miller…men are so precious.

Yankee Stadium, June 24th, 2015
Yankee Stadium, June 24th, 2015

The NY Yankees did rally yesterday in honor of our wedding anniversary and we were up close and present to appreciate the 10-2 victory.

Ivan Nova pitched brilliantly for almost 7 scoreless innings after a year of rehabbing from Tommy John surgery ((UCL) is a reconstructive surgical graft procedure in which the ulnar collateral ligament in the medial elbow is replaced with a tendon from elsewhere in the body).

After that type of surgery, I would be lucky to lift a fork to my mouth no less pitch 7 innings in the MLB.

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Thanks, Yankees, for giving us even more to celebrate on our momentous day.

I am cautiously optimistic that the Yankees will make the playoffs…hopefully, the odds are better for them playing in the post season than for me getting pregnant at this stage of the game.

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