Strutting My Stuff…

Best news ever.

I know what I will be doing for the next 15 months.

What prompted this life altering decision is yesterday, the Miss America organization announced that they are eliminating the swimsuit competition.

With that surprising declaration and after much soul searching, I have made the decision to compete in the Miss America pageant.

Even though my body is a sight to be seen, I only wear rash guard suits and the committee previously denied my eligibility for that part of the competition.

The evening-gown segment is also changing.

I’m thinking a new, pressed Gap t-shirt with a pair of dress Lululemon workout pants.

Moving forward…tomorrow I start poise and posture classes.

My platform is #ScrewYou…Every Woman For Herself which should resonate with the judges during the trump era.

The biggest hurdle is my talent.

Not completely sure singing the NY Giants roster a cappella, but with catchy phrasing and a devastating beat, including players height, weight and college, is going to be embraced.

Being unique unlike the baton twirlers and ballet dancers should win me some points.

Another test is eliminating the ‘F’ word from my banter.

These are challenges, but once I get my crown ready keratin hair treatment, whiten my teeth to an inch of their life, invest in perky breast implants and perfect my warm and friendly shit eating grin, I should be good to go.

The only decision left is which state should I represent…New York, California, or Connecticut?!

I’ll need to poll friends and family.

Golly, I have always fantasized about being the “Queen of Femininity.”

Dreams do come true if you take on the challenge to Climb ev’ry mountain, Ford ev’ry stream, Follow every rainbow, ‘Till you find your dream.



One Comment

  1. Paula Lopez says:


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