Que Lastima, Cosme!!

Had a reservation at Cosme, the much talked about elegant Mexican restaurant from super chef, Enrique Olvera, who grew up in Mexico and now owns a flock of restaurants there, including the globally acclaimed Pujol.

Wish I had given up when first denied.

Cosme opened last October and it was impossible to reserve in October and November. Six weeks ago I booked from Los Angeles and Saturday night we made our way to the Flatiron district.

The restaurant is moody like the staff and pooled in shadows of darkness. Better not to see that I was a fool to dine here.

The welcome was unremarkable. We were immediately led to a very nice table and we took in our surroundings.

I hated the waiter at hello. In fact, we thought he might have been a fugitive from the law as he would divulge nothing. Even the dish descriptions were evasive.

When he strolled by, I checked his butt for the broom in hopes of removing it quickly, but there was no evidence of his concealing anything to make him so uptight.

We felt congested from the apathy and order the Anti Histamine cocktail. It was actually delicious and consisted of Don Julio Reposado, Liquor Strega, honey, lemon and bee pollen.

It seemed as if adult beverages were needed so we moved onto a bottle of Serra Sanguigna Du Cropio from Italy. It was a lovely red and the sommelier was gracious, but when I googled the wine I found out it retails for $16.98 and we paid $65. Another reason to dislike Cosme.

Mr. Personality dropped by to generously offer 2 purple crisps in a small dish accompanied by a spicy mustard dip. Can you spare it.

We started with razor clams with celery salsa and  in a tomato  hot sauce ($15). It was meager, but refreshing. Seriously do celery leaves ever need to be included in a dish?

This was followed by sliced raw hamachi which was tender and flavorful, dabbed with lime, fermented jalapeño and fish sauce which I could not detect. The limes were supposedly dried until they turned black. The process was lost on me ($20).

White ayocote bean salad, which look like cannellinis and were very creamy, were surrounded by mixed greens and sliced radishes. Charred cucumber vinaigrette made the salad enjoyable even though you could barely locate the beans. You needed a hoe to unearth the secret $15 ingredient.

The mains were precious. David’s crispy octopus with hazelnut mole pickled potatoes and watercress was tender and tasty, but unfulfilling. I did not want to even take a bite to deprive him of his meal ($28).

Our black garlic rubbed NY strip with fried shishitos (3 only) and avocado-tarragon puree was good not phenomenal . We were rationed 4 tortillas for taco making purposes, no more no less. The offerings were meager, especially for $35.

I am not saying that the food was not flavorful, but the portions were ridiculously small at the price point and Cosme lacked any personality. One server, Jennifer,  did a drive by at the end of the service and she was lovely and forthcoming.

And please, fuck the duck. everyone pushes the carnitas like a bunch of drug dealers. Leave me alone with the $59 duck. None of us ever eat duck. We had repeatedly divulged this inside info. We felt that there was a big play because it is the most expensive item on the menu.

Cosme also recommends 3-4 dishes per person. We now know why. Personally, I rather buy another pair of Louboutins then drop the big bucks at Cosme.

We left hungry, The highlight was departure and the view of the Empire State Building.

We took the subway home and made our way to our favorite neighborhood pizzeria. LA Traviata was inexpensive, delicious and assuaged our appetite.

Cosme 35 East 21st Street New York City. Open Monday-Saturday for dinner. Reservations on OpenTable.com