4am Wednesday morning and I was deep into an email thread with a dear friend.

Memories of my family home, the contents and snap shots of my past have been on a never ending loop in my head for over a week rendering me sleepless in Los Angeles.

I picture the den in Connecticut and I remember my first kiss.

I summon my childhood bedroom and I recall Queen E. wanting me to wear a frilly pink party dress to a friend’s birthday party.

Even at 5 years-old I pushed back so Queen E. forbid me from attending the party.

That did not sit well with me so when my mom left my bedroom I hide in my secret spot and fell asleep.

I woke up hungry…the reason for the battle had slipped my mind.

I just wanted food as I slept through lunch and it was dinner time.

I headed downstairs in my dainty undershirt and fancy panties to find two police officers in our living room.

Cut to the chase.

My parents had searched the house and neighborhood and no Toby so they alerted the police as they were certain I had either slipped out of the house undetected or been abducted

My mother never made me wear an outfit I didn’t like again.

My secret hideaway will soon become someone else’s.

Back to the issue at hand.

I am having a hard time surrendering the homestead even though I know I would never live there again.

It’s all I have left of my parents.

And then there is the end result of the stripping down and selling of most of the family possessions.

The wedding gifts, photo albums, artwork, hard to part with clothing and more stuff are stored in the attic.

My friend told me to just let everything go.

She’s right.

Possessions just tie you down.

One of the things I love about our California home is no stuff…just essentials and a few cool design elements.

I need to surrender and move forward, leaving behind the tangibles, storing the mementos and memories only in my mind.

I guess you are never to old to change.

Now can someone please tell me how to delete the endless loop that is still on continual play in my head.