It’s 6:00am and I am sitting braless in Starbucks in Santa Monica.

The dogs are staring at me through the window, wondering why they are not home eating their breakfast. Berkeley gave us a 5:15 wake up call…hunger or nature, we shall never know.

Since I am still under the weather, David leaped out of bed and took that for their early morning ablutions.

I, on the other hand, lethargically crawled out of bed, brushed my teeth, etc. and made my doggies their custom breakfast, filling pill pockets with their daily medications and vitamins…maybe there is a magic pill here for me to make me finally feel better.

30 minutes had elapsed and no David or dogs. I called his phone and, of course, it was on his bedside stand. I journeyed to the balcony and peered into the pre-dawn darkness…I heard loud voices and immediately thought with the time lapse and panicky sounds, Berkeley was dying on the sidewalk and David was calling to me.

I quickly threw on shorts and a sweatshirt, forgetting to support the girls. I dashed out the door with my phone in hand…geez, I closed the door and forgot my keys. David forgot his phone, but would never forget the keys.

I propped the 2 security doors and found my husband, in t-shirt and shorts on the sidewalk…no keys. The girls were fine, just hungry.

My name had inexplicably been removed from the security phone index and my husband was unable to reach me. I immediately called our daughter…voicemail.

So, with girls jiggling, (you have heard of Sleepless in Seattle, while this is Braless in Santa Monica) my cough hitting hysterical heights, sweat dripping down my brow even though it was in the 50’s, we made our way to the Starbucks 3 blocks away.

We tried our daughter 20 times, texting, voicemails, but she was in lalaland. We had a coffee and watched the parade of homeless mill in and out for 2 long hours. Around 7:30am, caffeine deprived folks, on their way to work, started hitting up Starbucks.

It is of interest to note how many people “borrow” 20 packs of sugar or artificial sweetener, how many napkins it takes to manage 1 cup of coffee, how many straws one needs for a cappuccino, how Starbuck employees never clean the prep counter or refill the dairy products and how often the homeless use Starbucks bathrooms. Reminder, hold it no matter what until hitting the homeland bathroom.

Finally, after 3 hours of sipping a non-fat dry cap, Courtny had arisen from her beauty sleep and was able to come over and unlock the mystery of the Absent Minded Husband and Braless, Keyless Wife. Nancy Drew, why aren’t you on call for the big mysteries of life.

P.S. I cooked everyone breakfast and David and I are still talking…however, he now has a cock ring with the extra key dangling.