I am feeling nervous.

My heart is palpitating rapidly and irregularly.

My initial reaction to my squirrelly heart was that David looked pretty damn sexy this morning, but I think that may have been part of the hallucinations.

It all began Monday when I saw Hitler, I mean Agent Orange, on television touting the benefits of hydroxycholorquine.

I quickly went to the online site, deathbecomesyou.com and luckily they could get me a modest quantity of hydroxychloroquine overnighted.

The one caveat is I had to immediately go to TD Ameritrade and buy 100 shares of Sanofi the French pharmaceutical company that manufactures the drug.

Agent Orange has a small personal investment in the company.

Duped, I discovered that the company no longer sells the drug in America and surprisingly, a French organization that published a positive study on hydroxychloroquine cited by Trump’s allies, walked back the findings recently, saying it does not meet their “expected standard.”

What to do?!

I reacted quickly, cancelled my stock trade and ended up with hydroxychloroquine that is manufactured in India.

Funny, India, which manufactures 70% of the world’s supply of hydroxychloroquine, banned its export to America on March 25th,  but after Trump called Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi requesting supplies, the ban was quickly reversed.

Can you believe that Trump had threatened “retaliation” if India were to refuse. Unbelievable, right?!

Even though Indian lab, Ipca, has been under a U.S. Food and Drug Administration import alert, which has barred it from selling in the U.S. since 2015 for violation of good manufacturing practices, the U.S. FDA made an exception, unbelievable,  right?!

I am feeling so weird and now regret my decision to ingest hydroxychloroquine, but Agent Orange was so convincing and since I know he really cares about me, I rushed to judgement.

I let it slip my mind that this was lie number 17,001…I am in a fevered state only having Gucci occupying my thoughts.

And to be totally honest, I really wanted to be able to eat in a restaurant so that I could start posting my weekly restaurant reviews on ifthedevilhadmenopause.com again and God knows I am dying to get my nails and hair done, go bowling and get a Covid-19 tattoo.

I frivolously thought that hydroxychloroquine was my quick fix.

Fingers crossed that my heart doesn’t explode which I just learned is a potential side effect along with nausea, headache, dizziness, ringing in your ear, vomiting, stomach pain, loss of appetite, mood swings…all of which I am experiencing right now.

Unbelievable, right?!

*Please note, although quite humorous, the facts regarding France and India, the hydroxychloroquine side effects and the 17,000 lies are all TRUE and accurate…I cannot make this shit up!

photo:Amazon.com