I enjoy cooking and cleaning, especially when I am in the mood.

But both practices are demanding mistresses. Think about it. The art of creating a meal is complex. You just don’t throw open the double doors of your new, stainless steel, sparkling water making refrigerator and whip up a delectable repast or snack.

As with writing a blog post, one must plan ahead, shop for ideas, transport the goods, prep, cook, serve and clean up.

I used to think if I were rich I would have an in-house masseuse and hairdresser, but now I think I would add sous chef and scullery maid to the bucket list.

Now that everything is new and shiny in the kitchen I have become extremely territorial. I want things to stay perfect for a minimum of six months.

So control freak that I am I have appointed myself the Joan of Arc of kitchen saviors. I grocery shop, cook, create and clean. I haven’t even had a maid service come in because they may scratch the floor, nick a wall or just screw up something that I have labored over or paid a small ransom for.

Yesterday, when I needed some touch up from my painting posse I was informed that matt finish colored paint can not be dabbed clean. Holy Wall Stains!

I am officially instituting new House Rules. I am demanding that all occupants wear latex gloves when living and breathing in the new abode. We can all pretend we are playing doctor. Do not screw up the walls and nick the vanities or you will be removed from the premises…immediately and that includes the dog.

This labor of love will not be ruined. I advise said occupants to sit nicely in the living room. Do not consume red wine on light colored furniture.

There will be no haphazard leaning and supporting oneself on the newly painted walls or arbitrarily feeling up the walls for light switches when it is dark. Carry your cell phone at all times and merely click the flashlight app.

We can all co-exist as long as my rules are followed or the house is in escrow with the next inhabitants.

Live a clean, hands free lifestyle and we will get along just fine.