Brooding Baristas…

In the music business, journalists love eclectic bands.

They write about them at length.

As soon as they group shows signs of going mainstream, the gloves come off.

This brings me to mainstream beverages…Starbucks, the Katy Perry of coffee.

Don’t judge…I actually enjoy Starbucks.

My cortados and cappuccinos are done just right and served with no attitude.

This now brings me to Joe’s, Intelligentsia, Blue Bottle, Le Colombe, Stumptown.

They are all full of shit.

The baristas have an attitude that each coffee that they painstakingly concoct is contributing to world peace and can potentially change the course of history.

I beg to differ.

Steam wafting through metal nose rings is not the filter I desire to witness as my cortado is being made.

When I specify a dry cap, light on the milk, I want my coffee made that way, not according to what their aesthetic is.

Also, I can compose a blog post or a release a press release in less time than they take to make a cortado, a petite espresso with steamed milk.

I also choose to tip when I want to tip.

I don’t have 25 minutes to complete the transaction from entrance, waiting in line, paying and then waiting for my drink type to be called.

Name calling is much more effective.

I do not need to pay more for a theatrical cup of coffee.

Full disclosure, I’ll take Starbucks.

Please note, I recently purchased a Nespresso machine so that I can mostly enjoy a barista free existence.

The VertuoLine makes brewed coffee as well as specialty drinks.

I now hold my coffee clutches in the comfort of my own house, free WiFi, no crumb soiled table sharing or major ‘tude.

One Comment

  1. you’re so right.
    these hipster espresso labs popping up everywhere are a big annoyance to me too.
    plus if you’re using the word barista to define yourself (as i proudly used to) you better move your butt and expedite 20/25 guests in less than 5 minutes while you keep your station immaculate … otherwise you’re just another tattooed failed poet that now chose to afflict us with the weight of his existence (also expecting us to beg/thank him for that).

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