Recently, I had a few brief Bev Hills encounters and had to share.

I had a meeting in the gilded city. I parked and was early so why not wiggle waggle through the retail therapy shrines….namely, Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue and Barneys.

Having a limited window of time, I prioritized and chose to browse the handbag and shoe department.

Deploying my swivel head app which enables me to take in up to 25 pairs of designer shoes in one glance and an endless array of bags, I went into full attack mode.

I strolled through the Givenchy bag displays on the way to Proenza Schouler.

I was carrying my cross body Proenza fringe bag.

A fellow shopper approached me and inquired, “Do you like Proenza? Is the fringe classy enough for my daughter? She is starting a job in NYC and I can’t decide if the fringe is tacky or not.”

“Wow, you nailed it. I bought it because it makes me look tacky. I always want to impress.”

She was nonplussed. Continuing, she said, “I can’t believe how cheap it is…only $1900!!”

I actually made the sale and moved on to Barneys in time to hear a middle-aged shopper say, “I need to buy these sexy 6 inch Louboutin heels so that my feet look as young as my face after my lift.”

I checked out her hands to see if they matched the face and feet…she had more work to do.

I could be helpful and direct her towards the Barneys glove department.

Neiman’s provided the biggest laugh.

A 20-something Valley Girl was pushing a stroller.

She was dressed in butt baring denim cut offs and a see through peasant blouse.

From behind I thought she must be a nanny or a new mom who had simultaneously scheduled  a C-section and tummy tuck.

I sped up, passed her and placed myself across from Barbie on the other side of the circular jewelry display case.

The baby was a Maltese. I admit to eavesdropping.

Stunned,  I heard her inquire about a diamond (not Diamonique) choker for her canine baby.

Out of time, I dashed out of Neiman’s hysterical laughing and feeling oh so normal and well adjusted.

Feeling down? In need of levity?

I prescribe a heavy dose of Bev Hills retail therapy…and it’s free.