If I ever lose my mind it will either be during a NY Giants football game or driving in Los Angeles.

Sunday was the LA Marathon.

I was fully aware of the Marathon route. It was raining and for some unknown reason we decided to drive to a hole in the wall breakfast place on the outskirts of Beverly Hills.

Big, Big, Huge mistake.

It was like trying to escape Los Angeles when the eventual apocalypse hits.

I know every backroad and short cut on the westside.

I was checkmated at every turn. I would make some progress and then BAM, a complete stop.

Sunset was backed up for 5 miles.

I ended up cutting through Westwood and was trapped again.

After 90 minutes to travel 4 miles I stopped the car on a Westwood side street and hoofed it into the village.

We headed to KazuNori for hand rolls and threw back a few much needed sakes.

We then stopped for overpriced milky cappuccinos at bad mannered Alfred Coffee (they always discard your ernest request) and 3 hours later it was still 45 minutes to get home.

The distance was 5 miles. We had to take the 405 North to Sunset and then head to the ocean.

I could have driven to Mexico by the time it took me to drive 10 miles in LA.

People we’re making middle of the road U-turns, driving on sidewalks, screaming, we witnessed a few side swipes.

It was insane.

To put it into perspective Kenyan’s Stacy Ndiwa  finished in 2:31:00 and Ethiopia’s Jemal Yimer  won the 26 mile 2023 Los Angeles Marathon in 2:13:13.

Mine was a 4 hour/10 mile driving marathon and a massive shit show with no medal, prize money or even a Heatsheet blanket momento so I could look like a giant, tinfoil-wrapped burrito for finishing my own personal, excruciatingly difficult Los Angeles Marathon.

Photo: LA Times