Relaxation.

Place me on a beach in front of a turquoise ocean, have a light breeze wafting, blue sky abounding, an umbrella firmly planted, a good book and I am in ecstasy.

You can’t buy this type of joy…well, you can. It’s called a vacation. I’m just one lucky biatch who lives near some mighty fine beaches.

In order to maintain this euphoric state of mind I plan ahead.

I either need to sit right at the shoreline so the only sound I hear is that of breaking waves or walk a mile down the beach away from food and bathroom offerings to find peace.

Why do people think others want to hear their heavy metal or hip hop tunes?

No one with a boom box ever plays Frank Sinatra or Motown, only offensive, heavy bass, non-melodic songs.

Why when there is plenty of open space do Gen Z play football or soccer just inches away from where you are relaxing and say sorry multiple times after the ball either hits you or rolls into your personal space.

At no point does moving away from the relaxing hordes occurs to these mental midgets.

Why do you kids scream when they wade into shallow water? The temperature is warm, the waves do not break close to shore and yet they let out bloodcurdling screams which parents seem to delightfully ignore.

Why when the beach is not that crowded do humans sit right next to you?

Why do  sunburnt peeps never cover up?

With skin cancer running rampant why are they hatless and lathering up with sun tan lotion, lying directly in the sun?

Why are thongs universally popular?

All buttocks are not created equal and should not always be unmasked.

Just some random questions to ponder.

I go to the beach frequently. I never block someone’s ocean view or sit close to other beachgoers, I barely talk, never schlep a boom box, never smoke which is prohibited and always gather up my garage and dispose of in an empty garbage can.

Over the weekend, two cans were filled to the brim and four were empty yet people left their garbage on the sand next to the overflowing cans…another excellent example of you Can’t Fix Stupid.

The posed questions are from a concerned, inquiring human not a crusty adult.

Therefore, my prescription is to chillax by whatever means possible even if it means trudging a long way to find a deserted piece of sand far from the maddening crowds.