Every time I go to IKEA I feel overwhelmed.

The meatballs previously soothed me.

Not so much anymore. I had to step away from the Swedish darlin’s. The signature meatballs were surrounded by controversy last year due to the horse meat scandal in Europe.

Allegedly, the tainted meatballs never made their way to America and the situation has been reined in and rectified.

The meatballs are now listed as farm to fork and are tasty, reasonably priced and always perfectly formed, but they are no longer the ‘mane’ event for me. Sunday, literally everyone in line ordered them.

Happy trails, Swedish meatballs.

People arrive by 9am at IKEA in Burbank for the $2.99 Sunday brunch special. Sorry, I will not be reviewing  the IKEA Cafe.

It appears that they fill their bellies with brunch items and meatballs (seriously, at 9am) and then proceed to nap in the bedroom section…I kid you not. They place their children in bunk beds for a timeout under the guise that they are measuring the monsters against the length of the bed.

I am surprised they bother to return for the screaming kiddies. I came across a plethora of children that I was tempted to ground into little round meatballs.

The sheer size of the store is daunting. No need for spinning afterwards.

The pricing is intoxicating and the names are as intimidating as trying to differentiate between the members of Uriah Heep. Having served as their publicist, I am reluctant to write that I was always confused…they all resembled each other. The dilemma is similar to IKEA furniture…everything looks pretty much the same.

Try saying Ingvar Kamprad 5 times, quickly. Almost impossible…that’s why ordering at IKEA comes  with its’ own set of challenges.

The owner of IKEA’s name is the above mentioned tongue twister, Ingvar Kamprad. He was 17 when he started the business.

His earliest venture was buying matches in bulk in Stockholm and reselling them locally. He went on to sell fish, Christmas decorations and seeds before eventually settling on furniture.

IKEA is a multi-billion business. In 2013, IKEA grossed $35,807,904,000.00 throughout 44 countries. A lesser known fact is that the company is a not-for-profit organization. All profits are reinvested into IKEA and its social enterprise activities.

Additionally, Kamprad is purportedly frugal. He flies economy class, takes the bus and eats at IKEA stores, probably favoring the meatballs.

Channeling Kamprad, we went to check out kitchens because our contractor told us that she is working on a $20 million Bev Hills mansion and they just installed an IKEA kitchen.

Heck, if the Housewives of Beverly Hills do IKEA so can the future relocated Blogger of Pacific Palisades. If the Devil Had IKEA, he would save money, having more to spend on menopausal remedies and an IKEA kitchen.

We  surveyed the kitchens, couches, chairs, tables, plates and exited with heads filled with images of IKEA merchandise, one empty big blue bag, our stomachs full (salmon, no meatballs).

Breaking News…I am starting a new venture tomorrow. I can be found at the corner of Pacific Coast Highway and Temescal Canyon, hawking fish and matches….I’ll keep you posted.