You meet Tom Brady. He asks you to dinner.

You rendezvous at an impossibly understated yet pricey restaurant.

After discussing football you realize that he brings little to the table except the ability to look great and afford the check.

Disappointment snakes its way through your blood system like a blood clot looking for a home.

That is how I felt at this allegedly intimate, innovative Strasbourg, France restaurant, De:Ja.

I had my doubts about booking at De:Ja. The reviews were mixed and the hotel was not familiar with the place.

It was in a difficult to find residential neighborhood on the outskirts of Strasbourg.

You were instructed to ring the doorbell and patiently wait to be greeted.

It was pouring the night I knocked three times.  I was not feeling patient.

The door was opened by a silent young woman who did not greet me warmly or even at all.

The austere, boringly beige room had a scrubbed mid/ century modern feel and a precursor to the night’s vibe.

Two fixed price menus were offered.

The horrendous first date began in silence and ended in silence besides the introduction of all the incredibly inhospitable and uncommunicative people who worked there.

The amuse bouche were beautifully presented and delectable.

Okay. The people are without flavor, but I am here for the food. A concession I never make, but maybe it’s the stern Germanic influence since we are a mere 15 minutes from the border.

The cuisine is amazingly creative and delicious until I spot deer tartare on the menu. I do not eat Bambi. I assumed a switch to my husband’s substitutions were doable as I had initially noted on the reservation that he is a pescatarian.

I found out that the righteous restaurant powers that be are heavily invested in the earth and nature, but they treat their patrons like spoiled soil.

The meal proceeded with little or no conversation or enlightenment from the waitstaff.

The predominate sound was the scraping from the ceramic dish from the people next to us who raked every molecule of food off of their plates with metal utensils which allegedly were the chef/owner’s grandmother’s flatware if I understood the brief whispered interaction.

Here is the meal in all its glory. Please note the deer antler utensil rest:

The following are reasons why I will never ever knowingly engage with an attractive, personality void restaurant again.

1. 25 Euro for a thimble of Champagne.

2. A surcharge for forsaking Bambi on a “Sensation” meal that was priced at 108 euros.

3. An offering of cheese for a 20 Euro unannounced per person charge which measured a bite of cheese from a breast fed cow.

4. Hopefully, all the overcharges will go towards paying the electricity bill, personality Zoom classes and a Ms. Manners course on how to treat patrons.

4. No “thank you” for joining us/did you enjoy the meal/do you require transportation home. What was conveyed for a large sum of money was don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Moral of the meal. Never go all the way unless the meal or even the guy has it all going on and there are no surprises after climax.

De:Ja 1 Rue Schimper Strasbourg, France. Open Tuesday-Saturday. 2 fixed price menus offered priced at 108 euros and 158 euros.