I’m in a state of euphoria because I experienced a sportsgasm this week.

Nonsensically,  I am going to rain on my own parade.

I made a conscious decision to not step onto my political soapbox because the midterm elections, the fragility of democracy and the lack of motivated voters has pissed me off to no end with little hope of a positive conclusion.

Today my bitchfest concerns the lack of decent table manners emanating throughout society.

I think I am going to need to wear horse blinders in restaurants because I am nauseated by humans manners.

Forget about chewing with your mouth open.

Before it even reaches the pie hole I am disgusted by fork handling, knife licking, full mouth spewing, heads bent down practically in the plate and the ever present cell in the nonactive utensil paw.

These cretins surround me in dining establishments which means that civilization has not only turned mean and hateful, but many have reverted back to a Stone Age form of eating.

Sit up straight, put your phone away, shut your mouth while masticating and for the love of God, eat properly.

And while I’m complaining, and Men I am talking directly to you, STOP shaking your leg(s) while you are seated.

Take your Adderall, go to the bathroom and stop with the incessant, obnoxious leg action.

Have a great day and please vote because we all need to protect democracy and reestablish inalienable women’s rights.