‘Til Death Do Us Part…


sponge bob

I spent Friday with my mother.

We did a whole bunch of chores around her house, preparing for her departure in November for Florida.

I played laundry lady and did washes and then hung the sheets and jeans on the clothesline. The pure, unadultered joy of slipping into clean, fresh air-dried sheets is tantalizing.

After sucking up to my mom before taking her out to dinner, I confronted her with a question I hoped I would never have to ask.

Don’t hate me because I am honest.

“Mom, if you pass away before I do, do you want a bells and whistle funeral or can I keep it intimate and respectful with just the immediate family?”

My mom, in all her 94 years of glory, gave me a look and said, “You want to deny me a royal send off?!”

“No denial. I plan on throwing you a 7 day food orgy…just a low key burial.”

She pondered the question for a moment and then asked me why.

My response…”Frankly, I am not a huge fan of the guest list. I figure I can avoid certain someones when I am busy cooking, organizing and cleaning up the house.”

She felt a bit rejected and then we struck a deal. She promised to outlive all her friends and relatives and I am pretty sure I will go before her if my living situation on both coasts and the up and down NY Giants continue to give me heart palpitations.



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