Tasteless Jungle Out There…LA Restaurant Review

Days later and my mouth still tastes like ass.

Tried Ka’Teen (afresh in Mayan) a popular, hip, new restaurant in Hollywood.

Again, total disappointment.

Firstly, the ride was a circle jerk from the beach to the San Fernando Valley, past Universal City, the Hollywood Bowl and finally to one of the armpits of Los Angeles, Hollywood Boulevard adjacent.

Ka’Teen features a take on ancient Yucatan culinary tradition.

Ka’Teen Chef Wes Avila is hot right now, smashing it with his Angry Egret Dinette.

Chef Avila began his career with stints at L’Auberge, Marché and Le Comptoir.  He is best known for the meteoric rise of Guerilla Tacos, which he started as an experimental street cart.

Ka’Teen is a quasi nightclub/dinner club that is  loud, crowded, and clubby next to the new Tommie Hotel which is part of the Hyatt chain.

The thatched tunnel entrance is enticing and there was a long line all night for those reservationless patrons.

I requested outside which is 3/4s of the dining area.

Naturally, the host sat us in a dark corner inside comparable to the small double bed room by the elevator which is the first look at all hotels unless you tip like Anna Delvey or are JLo.

We again requested what we had requested and sat under the stars, but first we had to fit onto the banquette which was dotted with huge Mexican patterned pillows which quickly lined the floor around the restaurant.

I realize that servers are difficult to come by and it is a demanding job, but some social awareness is needed.

I am not a fan of the response to what is great on the menu and I get back, “Everything!”

Dealing with massive amounts of migraines I opted for a white wine. I had not heard of any on the limited wine list. I ask for advise and mentioned anything, but Chardonnay.

John Boy (he looked like he just jumped off his family horse and buggy) brought over two tastes of god awful Chardonnay.

The food…the Kanpachi Crudo with Serrano, mustard seed vinaigrette and red onion was a bit chewy and uninspired ($18).

The Tacos Fritos filled and I use that term loosely, with shrimp and potato was crispy, empty and tasteless. ($12).

The Baja Fish Tacos on a flour tortilla with overly fried cod, Chipotle cream and Chile Japones were unmemorable and expensive for what was or was not on the plate ($24).

The only tasty dish were the fresh market Mushrooms en Mole ($8).

The Short Rib Tacos on corn tortillas with shiso which was not shiso and escabeche almost killed me. Little did I know that plentiful chiles were included. I turned white and almost passed out from oral pain and burning lips. 20 minutes into the suffering a manager brought over a glass of almond milk.

I hate milk almost as much as I despise trump, but I downed it and proceeded to drink despite the waves of milk induced nausea.

Finally, 30 minutes in, my mouth started to calm down.

Suggestion…please let the patrons know about spice levels.

The Lamb Neck Barbacoa is a popular dish. It is braised lamb neck with carrot habanero salsa and cebollada. I imposed upon the lovely couple who sat next to us to photograph it.

They ordered almost all the meat dishes on the menu and absolutely loved the food…to each his/her own.

I could not wait to depart the Ka’Teen jungle making Hollywood Boulevard almost a welcome oasis.

Ka’Teen 6516 Selma Avenue Hollywood, California. Open Tuesday-Thursday 5:30-9:30pm, Friday and Saturday 5-10pm. Reservations on Resy. Valet and metered street parking.

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