Recently, I ventured out at night…very unusual these days.

It was 9pm and I drove up the coast a few miles to catch the Grunion Run.

Surprisingly, parking was impossible.

Many residents had similar ideas about a nocturnal outing.

I finally found parking and, masked, made it a few steps to the boulders overhanging the ocean.

Unmasked people were close at hand, but still obeying the 6 foot physical distancing.

I honestly panicked…were they Corona carriers, what was their exposure, are they hand washers, what was the Covid-19 scoop?

I realized that I was socially uncertain for the first time ever.

I left the grunions to run on their own and got back in the car.

The big question is when, if ever, will I feel secure being in an open, uncontrolled environment?

I hike in areas where humans are scarce, I prepare all my meals and wipe down groceries and packages from unknown sources, I barely interact face to face with humans,

I wear my mask whenever I step outside my door even to throw out the garbage.

I am over 9 weeks in to self-quarantining and just do not see an end in sight before a vaccine is  allegedly discovered.

Matriculating back into society will be a scary challenge.

Presently, I have great difficulty imagining dining in a restaurant, going to a movie, attending a Broadway show or a sporting event, taking the subway, shopping retail, going to a nail or hair salon or flying…all way too intimidating because, as with   life, I tend to play defense, not at all confident in the other person’s game plan.

In the interim, I will be a devotee of life according to Fauci.

Until all my fellow citizens play the mask marauder part while remaining at a safe distance, I shall continue to not take chances.

Human interaction will continue to consist of texting, FaceTiming, Zooming remaining guarded, vigilant and not unleashing my socially awkwardness until it is once again safe to commingle.

Only then will I begin my social reintroduction into how to play comfortably with others.