Scoping Things Out…


It was a crappy Tuesday.

In actuality, it was a beautiful day, but it was spent being Scotty Pippen to my husband’s Michael Jordan.

I provided an undeniable assist to him as it was Colonoscopy Day.

I scheduled the appointment securing a trip down under with  purportedly the best gastroenterologist in New York City.

Under a no food starvation dome I assumed the role of MiraLax mixologist and blended him foamy Gatorade cocktails with a Dulcolax chaser.

I overserved him every 15 minutes and then cut him off until I woke him at 5am to continue the cocktails this time with a magnesium citrate chaser.

Literally high and devoid of any stomach matter we headed across town to the very contemporary endoscopy center.

Of course, this being NYC, an irate man jumped out of his car to berate our Lyft driver for not bumping bumpers with the car in front of him on 65th and Park.

The cra cra man who should have waited at the light rather than being caught in no man’s land, screamed and swore, jumped back into his car and followed us proclaiming through his open window that he had all day to tag team.

I told him to stick his attitude up his tush and to definitely follow us as our destination was a perfect fit for him and his ‘tude. Honestly, I think he was in need of a thorough cleansing more than my husband.

The center had a very cool aesthetic with a Starbucks and texts providing up to the minute information on his procedure.

This is an amazing facility. The $1 billion price tag is huge, but money well spent. They perform 40-60 colonoscopies each day. It is nicer than some of the hotels I have stayed in!

My husband received an all clear report, lost 21/2 lbs. in the process and a return visit is not needed for five years.

Question: Is fasting with a side of colonoscopy better than Ozempic?! Talk amongst yourselves.

2 Comments

  1. Cathy Newman says:

    Am I the only one who actually doesn’t mind the prep, or losing a few pounds and really enjoys that Propofol nap?!?!

    Glad David made it through with success.
    ❤️‍🩹

    • Propofol gives you the best sleep. Yesterday, I watched David sleep so peacefully. I know why MJ loved it😜

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