Dating in the 21st century is heinous.

Yes, I am still happily married although I have a sporadic need to re-evaluate our wedding song, I Love You Just The Way You Are, but I digress.

Nowadays the tried and true fix up is as rare as a compassionate politician.

I think that online dating is more painful than menstruating into your 80s.

Welcome to the age of dating apps. where love lives behind screens and a relationship starts with a swipe right that usually goes nowhere except to ghosting.

The male candidates who have the emotional level of a teenager are immature, mommy’s boys whose idea of foreplay is texting.

Commitment is nonexistent as is emotional availability.

Come on, meet for coffee or one drink and suss things out. Why the lengthy impersonal dating game?

Plus, you want to see what this person really looks like since reality is not a significant part of the profile.

Once upon a time dating meant something entirely different.

You locked eyes across a room. You flirted over coffee, you picked up the phone, not texted. Often a connection was made.

Recently, I was discussing the dating game with my amazing posse of Marvelous Mermaids who are a drop more mature than me.

I queried how they met their husbands.

Every tale was a Rom-Com plot line.

The Sassy  Ms. S. drove to Miami with her relatives and stayed at a fancy hotel. She bought tickets with her cousin to see Billy Eckstine, an American jazz and pop singer and a bandleader during the swing and bebop eras. He was a no show and the replacement was a dude.

She was ready to depart the show after demurely sitting and finishing her cigarette.

Across the room a guy spotted her and approached, asking to have a drink. Within a year they were married and are still happily together.

The Divine Ms. I. was coerced into going to a disco with a friend. She was initially unwilling because she did not dance or drink. Ultimately, she met a man there. They briefly dated and he wanted to go steady. She reneged as summer was approaching and girls just wanted to have fun. September arrived and he called to ask if she enjoyed the summer. Now there’s a display of admirable persistence. She gave him another chance, marriage ensued and they are still experiencing disco dating after multiple decades and rearing three daughters.

Nifty Ms N. had a friend who was fixed up and the magic never appeared. She did not want to waste a good man and fixed up N with G. A dynamic first date connection was made. Marriage followed and things have gone swimmingly.

The Mild Mannered Ms. M. was at a college dance, hanging at a long table with a group of friends. Everyone got up to dance except M & M. Being a guy he said they should dance since everyone else was. Ms. M found that a turn off and turned him down. Then she felt her response was a bit harsh and changed her mind. They are still two-stepping after 60 years.

The Fab Ms. F. met the jock at her friend’s party in Brooklyn. They both made a fashionably late midnight entrance. There was an instant connection even thought he was a preppy and she was in her hippie phase. He was coaching college basketball and intriguing to Ms F. He called the following Thursday for a same day date…not cool. She left the next day for Puerto Rico and who was standing in the lobby when she arrived, but the guy. A beach date ensued, then dinner and the love bug hit. The next night they ran into each other in the casino and she hedged her bet on telling him that she had fallen for him. Male practicality overrode this romantic admission and he tells her she does not know him well. After all, he could be a drug addict. They part, scene over, fade to black. A few days later he appears at her door, moves in and they were married 3 months later.  After producing an admirable all male tennis team comprised of sons and grandsons they are still united. Game, set, love match.

I miss the old dating days concept. The awkward butterflies, the call after the first date. The magic of meeting someone in real time…unfiltered, unexpected and unscripted.

An incredible woman who I love and admire is single. For the life of me I cannot understand how that is possible. My wish for her is a rekindling of a real, in person kind of love.

Forsake online dating. Technology only belongs in romance in the form of a vibrator.