Queen E & Me…

I am experiencing a moment.

Queen E. is a vivid presence as of late.

Funny how she is always with me, but at certain times her presence is palpable.

A friend frequently makes Queen E. cole slaw and recently tried her hand at my mom’s trademark coconut cookies.

The fact that she and her husband delight in Queen E’s recipes brings me such joy.

I reach for the phone to let her know how people are relishing her tried and true recipes, but, alas, there is no answer.

I do feel her and know she would be thrilled.

Another friend sent me an article regarding my 3am wake up routine.

Allegedly, between 3-4am, the “veil” between the two worlds is thinning, allowing your spirit guides to better communicate messages to you.

A spirit guide from the other side gently nudges you to recognize a sign you are meant to see during the early morning that during your waking hours you are oblivious to.

My mom was a very early riser and loved to wander into her comfortable Connecticut kitchen, make a cup of coffee and set her daily agenda.

I could possibly buy into the premise that she is waking me up and following me into the kitchen, guiding me through my early morning ablutions and whispering in my ear, “Don’t yell at bad drivers you will get killed, don’t eat the French fries, the Giants really do suck, go back to bangs, How’s my Courtny and I love you”…all messages received!!

Queen E. was a purple freak and, unaware, I find myself often buying my weekly allotment of gladiolus in lavender filling the house with her essence.

I often dream about my family’s Connecticut homestead…I have never been able to disconnect from that house.

At the very least these are memories to savor and provide comfort during the inescapable moments when the harsh reality of never physically connecting with loved ones ever again surfaces.

Queen E. you will always reign supreme, lingering in the lavender haze that I often float through when you are utmost in my mind and heart.


  1. Beautifully written. She had it, and still does make a strong impression!

  2. Lorraine Kweskin says:

    Toby, I didn’t know about that 3-4am communication time! Thanks for sharing. Would you share mom’s coleslaw recipe? I’m looking for my mom’s baked beans recipe. It’s been a project a search for years! Sending you my best, Lorraine

  3. Cathy Newman says:

    Lovely, Toby. She’s watching over, for sure! 💜

  4. Loved this… I do hope your Queen E has met up with
    my Mom.. I think they could be great friends .
    Think they have a lot of the same Momism’s“
    Stay safe and well

  5. She will always be with you..enjoy the moments.. I share my Mom often and my Dad also. My Mom more. Now Charlie…..sometimes there is so much going on it is hard to untangle. I saw Leslie Feldman …do not know her single last name) and we were talking about you.She thinks you are amazing as is Courtny. They summer here and winter in Delray. Nice.You will soon find your way to purple clothes,dishes,glasses,etc. Just let it be………

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