My mom is definitely of sound mind.

She is a character. Lately, she has been cracking me up.

Recently, her funeral arrangements have been on her mind.

It may have been triggered by her dear friend daughter’s passing.

She attended the funeral on Monday.

Eunice called me after the burial and provided ground rules.

My mom strongly suggested that I have a reception after her funeral at a restaurant.

She doesn’t want her house messed up and she doesn’t want me to have to do the clean up.

She wants her faithful domestic engineer, Donna, to clean the day she dies.

She definitely doesn’t like the ritual of tossing dirt on a casket after it has been lowered into the ground.

“Listen, Toby. I have always been a clean person. Why the hell would I want dirt thrown on me for eternity. No one is going to crawl in and clean up after the dirty deed has been done.”

“I want you to write down some things I don’t want you to sell from the house. I have enjoyed them for years and want you to keep them around so I can admire them afar.”

The other day, her neighbor, who is a chef, brought over food. My mom thanked him profusely.

He said, “I want to bring you meals because you told me I was the worst neighbor ever. I’ve been contemplating having a t-shirt made.”

My mom said, “I spoke the truth. You should check in on an old lady. Have the t-shirt made and I’ll pay for it.”

I commented that she should try to be more restrained with her comments and that when we are all together for the holidays she should just be happy.

My mom responded, “I’m an emotional cutter so I already put little cuts all over my body to remind myself to be sweet.”

“Mom, do you know what an emotional cutter is?”

“No, but it sounded effective and dramatic so I decided to go with that.”

It pains me to talk about my mother taking her chairlift to heaven, but she has certainly added humor to the situation.