The holidays are approaching and since the United Stares Postal Service has issues thanks to the onerous Agent Orange, I thought I should mail my list to Santa very early this season.
New rules-Covid-19 entitles me to 19 wishes.

The better world me requests the following:

1. Biden/Harris landslide win

2. Trump is sent to jail, Mitch McConnell is unseated, gets a chin lift and surgery fails, Lindsey Graham losses and chokes on hypocrisy and remember Three Amigos..Like a heartbeat, drives you mad, In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost

3. A Dr. Fauci approved Covid Vaccine for his supporters. Let the doubters and domestic terrorists live in isolation and confinement in a gated barbed wire community in the deep state

4. Healthcare for all except for the Republicans who are hopefully swept away by the Big Blue Wave and voted to eliminate the ACA

5. Life resumes, restaurants open, shopping commences, pedicures for all, Broadway beckons

6. Personally, I request a  chef because I do not want to cook another frigging meal

7. Find a Covid negative person to spin and hike for me…I’m tired after 8 months of the same shit

8. Make up and regular bras go the way of trump

9. The Kardashians buy Armenia and move their kingdom abroad

10. Odell Beckham, Jr. and global warming all cool down

11. Someone invents a nonsurgical face lift, a cure for thinning eyebrows and cellulite disappears as quickly as it came

12. The NY Giants dump Danny Dimes, draft a real quarterback and just win, baby

13. All mean people die or take anger management courses in prison

14.QAnon and Boogaloo Bois have a Jim Jones Kool Aid party and go the way of padded shoulder pads

15. Cage free everything

16. Get serious about a cure for migraines or for God sake remove sulfites from wine

17. Asking for a friend…are there any smart, funny, attractive straight men left in the world…text me

18. Designer shoes and bags pricing has a moment and trends downward

19. Wishing everyone a Healthy Happy Holiday season and wear a mask, asshole!