Just Drive, Asshole…

middle-finger-emoticon (1)

I am wrist weary.

I have been driving all over Los Angeles for three days and I have wrist fatigue from gripping the steering wheel so tightly in order to steer away from drivers with absurdly inappropriate driving habits who must have paid off Motor Vehicle Department employees in order to obtain a license…really?!

Why is it so challenging to use an indicator, accelerate when the light turns green and wait a beat to pull out when there is NO ONE behind me on the road rather than barely eking by and almost hitting me when I am inches from passing you by.

Only-an-asshole-would-drive

I have wrist weariness from having to pose my middle finger repeatedly, for extended periods of time, in order to express my frustration.

I use this driving signage instead of smashing into the ass wipe who has committed another vehicular faux pas or pulling my car up to their window and dressing them down with a colorful verbal frontal assault.

My mother condemns the finger action and is sure I will meet my demise in Los Angeles during a drive-by incident. Daily, she inquires if I have kept my expressive hand gestures to myself.

As easily as I can identify any New York Giants jersey number, I can tell you the age, sex and race of almost every individual driver. I also know who is texting and talking on the phone from behind.

Ohio-Texting-Ban-Goes-Into-Effect

My husband especially enjoys my head weave and snarky eye routine. When a driver commits a particularly stupid maneuver, he loves when I pull up next to them, peer through the window, give them the look along with the 2 thumbs up sign.

It is constructive criticism…ignore the sarcasm. There is a lesson to be learned.

what if

I have been contemplating starting a driving school. I definitely think that the hand signal vocabulary taught in driver’s education classes and driving schools needs to be expanded upon.

I have a plethora of useful and functional hand signals to institute that will help traffic flow more efficiently.

I also have facial expressions that will convey true feelings without words that will lead to less road rage.

I am toying with, Just Drive, Asshole Driving School or You Are Driving Me Crazy School.

am talking to branding experts who not only personally agree with me, but are enthused about the idea. They are moving forward, gearing up to test the name and concept in the marketplace.

This signals the end of my road rage rant. Please drive responsibly.

3 Comments

  1. Paula Lopez says:

    I loved it!

  2. Great idea. Can I ask why people in LA do not use directions? That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Was that left off the DMV exam here? I don’t get it. People are too lazy to bother to let you know whether they plan to turn or not. Argh!

  3. Joyce Strange says:

    The late comedian, David Brenner, was on a talk show once talking about bad drivers. He said every time a driver does something bad, we should be able to shoot a rubber arrow that sticks to their car. This way, when you see a car with a lot of arrows attached to it, you could completely AVOID it! Lol

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