Life gets in the way of my blog. I was going to write about being waitlisted for a one-way trip to Mars and then the apartment debacle leveled me. After another sleepless night on the couch in the living room, I re-enacted the memorable moment from the 1976 classic movie, “Network”. I stood in our Manhattan living room, opened the window wide and screamed, “I’m as mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore!”

I donned my Lululemon’s and hit the highway…translation, I power walked into Central Park and never looked back for 7 hours. Can you imagine what my bill would have been if I spent 7 hours stretched out on a therapists’ leather couch? Say goodbye to any more designer bags.

I cruised all of my favorite spots such as; Rumsey Playfield where Good Morning America holds their summer concerts, Bethesda Terrace, the Boathouse, Alice in Wonderland statute, cast iron Bow Bridge where Sarah Jessica Parker jumped into infamy, Turtle Pond, The Great Lawn, The Reservoir, the Gardens at 104 Street and 5th Avenue.

Then I headed back down the west side to TKTS to see if I could indulge and distract myself in a Broadway show, but, alas, I had seen everything. I crossed over the the east side, where face lifts, helmet head hairdo’s and Roger Vivier flats abound and dove into J.Crew’s flagship store at Rockefeller enter. Of course, I did purchase because shirts were 25% off. Pathetically, knowing the ropes because Courtny has interned at  J.Crew in the NY area to compensate for all her unpaid internships, I waltzed over to the red phone and placed my order…the stars had aligned…not only did I earn a discount, but no shipping or tax…yahoo!

I did a drive by at St. Patrick’s to pray for a dry and parched apartment, visited the Saks shoe floor with its’ own zip code. I almost bought Courtny a McQueen clutch which was beyond drastically reduced, but after emailing David a photo, he gave it a thumbs down…sorry Court, you can still borrow mine.

I zoomed through H&M where the merch has become very cheap looking. I embraced Zara on 5th Avenue which is the bomb. The tour was endless, the highlight being, Bergdorf Goodman (I overheard, “Thank God the Chanel department is finished, it was such an imposition to have to go to 57th Street.”) Please note, the Chanel store is one block away from Bergdorf’s!

I inhaled the infamous cologne at Abercrombie (still cannot believe they actually line up to get into that store…are tweens and teenagers that horny?!)  I had a diet Coke in the square across from the Plaza and watched the tourists take photos of each other while displaying the peace sign. I avoided pigeons eating all the dropped pretzel parts,

I glided through Barneys and drooled over the men’s Louboutin shoes (I only wear men’s because the women’s are too small. Does that mean if I was a guy I would be endowed?) I attempted to purchase supplies at Nespresso on Madison. Can you believe they do not sell the cleaning kits for the business espresso machines in the store?  I have to call the 800 number, order a $1.99 kit and pay a $6.00 shipping charge. Seriously?

I maintained a pinkie’s up ‘tude and entered the hallowed and sterile confines of Hermes in search of elitism. I walked past Laduree, the French macaroon boutique and marveled at the long line snaking down Madison and rounding the corner onto 73rd Street…all this for a tiny macaroon?! I put on my snarking face and entered Tom Ford’s world. I was seduced my a pair of brogue tie shoes, adorned with a metal plate at Celine. I stepped inside and, of course, they do not carry Grande size shoes for American feet.

I bid hello to my posse at Stubbs and Wootton at 76th Street and then headed back down Madison and visually consumed the gorgeousness of the Carolina Herrera and Oscar de la Renta windows (did I ever tell you that Oscar and his former wife invited me to a threesome…not even for a custom frock would I have participated!)

I waltzed into Proenza Schouler and embraced the lovely Emerald and dissed with Kelly…she bought a B&B in Peru and is departing very soon. Before exiting, I reveled in the beauty of all their colorful fab bags. I trudged into the Park at 5th and 66th and climbed the hill to acknowledge Balto who has been perched on the rock outcropping for 85 years.

I listened to a band on the promenade, crawled pass Sheep’s Meadow, limbed across Century Park West with no purchases in hand and collapsed in my apartment, first checking to see if I my bedroom had turned into beachfront property whilst I was gone.

It was 7pm, I was parched, hadn’t consumed anything but frustration today and realized that, despite my anguished feet and tortured lower back, I indeed felt better. I turned to David and said, “Take me for a cocktail, immediately.”

Since I am drowning in water, perhaps I can catch a salmon…thus, a salmon croquettes recipe…

• 1 large can of Red sockeye salmon (Rubenstein or Bumble Bee…it must be RED salmon)
• 1 egg
• kosher salt
• fresh ground pepper
• 1 cup bread crumbs or Panko
• 1 cup brown or white mushrooms
• 1 sweet onion

In a bowl, mash salmon and beat in 1 egg. Make sure to remove black skin on side and bones after removing salmon from can.  Form patties and coat with bread crumbs or Panko. Important, refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. Reshape. Heat skillet and sauté in vegetable oil until browned. Separately, sauté mushrooms and onions until onions are golden. Set aside. Bake croquettes on cookie sheet with mushroom and onions scattered on top of croquettes for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Makes 6 to 8 croquettes.

Pull up a chaise lounge and enjoy by the lapping water!