I am here to set the record straight.

Day in and day out people ask me what my husband does for a living other than keep me happy and prancing in Christian Louboutin shoes.

My answer, “He works for Microsoft in an azure cloud, dealing with apps and seeking Lighthouse wins on foggy nights.” BTW, Azure is Microsoft’s cloud product.

What is a cloud? My version, is the scary objects you fly through in an airplane or once on terra firma, the fluffy white puffs that you admire from the ground.

I am a bit embarrassed by my lack of spousal knowledge so I made an appointment and was put on his schedule because that is how it is done at Microsoft.

During my allotted time slot, I discovered that he deals with the media and entertainment companies. He is creative and speaks a more poetic language, unlike the multitude of pocket protector peeps at Microsoft.

We were able to communicate even though our mobiles are not compatible. He’s a Windows user and I am an iPhone. Neither of us can work the others device.

He spends his days on the phone and in meetings. I knew that he could communicate in Latin and Afrikaans, but am unfamiliar with his other languages. When I hear him speak, I have to assume it is not English…terms, phrase and acronyms that just do not resonate.

In actuality, he helps strategic partners reach their customers on mobile, desktop and in the home (Xbox)…and, of course, in his world, it is all about the apps.

His unique qualification are that he has worked in the media world for companies such as LucasFilm, ESPN and Barnes and Noble as well as technology giants, Microsoft, IBM and Intel. He is comfortable in both vernaculars.

His daily challenge is explaining the media business to a technology company. It’s like explaining the color green to a blind man.

I still don’t get the process, but, I personally love the end result of being able to hook up the computer to the TV and watch the devious machinations on such shows as, House of Cards.

Next up, he explains, Xbox with Kinect. You do the wave (my terms) in front of the TV and it automatically responds to your hand motion. Remotes will soon go the way of cassette players and land lines.

Speaking of the omnipresent clicker, he declares that the phone will ultimately become the remote control of your life…charmingly naive, methinks, because we all know that I control his life.

His latest turn of phrase is Internet of Things (IoT) as in home automation where you use your phone to lock your doors and train and control your utility consumption.

Additionally, he informs me that he is moving into in the Commercial Sector and does B2B. I got all excited because I thought we would now be able to earn discounts at B&B’s while traveling.

Charmingly naive, but incorrect…it means this just added another cloud layer of acronym confusion to someone who is desperately trying to keep her head above water rather than the cloud, staying informed and relevant.

Screw it, I’ll just go lock the door manually and sit down on the couch and turn on the Yankees game with my antiquated remote.

I certainly hope I have made things crystal clear about what my husband’s livelihood entails.