Woke up on departure day at 1:00am and was flying high until 4 when I finally dropped off to sleep only to be awakened by my alarm screeching at 5:45am.

Satisfied my anal fixation…the one that concerns leaving my home perfect for the next go round.

The airport was a nut house at 7am…thousands heading to overseas destinations.

Thank goodness for TSA pre-check or I would still be standing in the security line.

Despite the tremendous amount of money spent on renovating Terminal 4 at JFK, you can’t  buy a decent thing to eat.

Peet’s Coffee & Tea is representing, but the cappuccino was expensive and undrinkable. The party girl behind the counter looked like 10 miles of bad road as she and her posse raved until 4am. At 7 in the morning, she was completely unprepared to make a satisfying cup of coffee.

We boarded and as take off time was imminent, I checked with the flight attendant to make sure I was on the correct flight…this plane must be headed to Las Vegas because everything was surreal and over the top.

I approached the attendant, rubbing my eyes. “Didn’t I just see you on Broadway in, The King and I?” The Ken Watanabe clone chuckled. “I get that frequently.”

Behind Ken stood another flight attendant, I swear, Lorelai Gilmore’s boyfriend pre-Luke, Jason Stiles (Chris Eigeman)…I am serious.

I took my seat for departure and up the aisle rushes a Margaret Cho look-alike muttering, but loud enough for me to hear, “Sit your fat asses down.”

There’s more…a transgender threesome, who were rather tardy for the party, rushed onto the plane, sat in our rows and proceeded to throw a hissy fit because there was no overhead space left for their Vuitton luggage.

Tattooed, Kardashian style painted faces and designer bags, including a black patent leather Gucci with bamboo handles, a red Hermes Birkin and a pink Louis Vuitton were in evidence…it’s a bit cliche as the bags were real and the boobs and booty fake.

The third member of my row was an obese gentleman who methodically ate his way across America.

The trio were up and down six times to the bathroom, barefoot. Then they passed notes to each other as if the setting was a 6th grade algebra class…like, for real.

The plane ride had plenty of emotional fireworks. I tried to breathe deeply and focus on Wimbledon on the TV screen.

We finally landed the Circus Circus vessel and reunited with Madison and Courtny. We headed towards Pacific Palisades to partake in more insanity, hooking up with the Palisades 4th of July Parade and even more fireworks.