Driving For The Ages…


In Los Angeles, I live in a traffic bubble.

It is a maze. I only have two ways out and they both present problems.

Just like in battle, I have to strategically select my exit and entrances in order to catch the oncoming enemy off guard.

Since the Santa Monica Incline has been under construction for the past year (most direct route to Santa Monica and the westside), before I close my eyes at night, I need to visualize the next day’s game plan.

I have to consider commuter and beach traffic, morning school arrivals as well as dismissal times.

9:30am has become my tried and true departure time.

The high school students near my home are sequestered in their classes or outside smoking and sucking face.

Sunset Blvd., my route to Bev Hills, West Hollywood and beyond, is more user friendly at that time of day, but unfortunately, every single westside senior citizen is in agreement with me.

Forget the texting or cell phone culprit, seniors prefer just coming to a complete stop in the middle of the road to solve problems or communicate with the exterior world.

They have also enforced their own speed limit…consistently, 10 miles under the legally posted speed limit signs.

Blinkers are obviously optional on their Lexus or Mercedes…no one uses one except on the freeways when the speed consistently declines in the passing lane and the blinker assumes its’ constant smirking at least one mile before the appointed exit ramp.

When at a driveway or side street, the grey panthers only look one way.

This weekend the dogs and I were almost wiped out twice so even the sidewalks are combat zones.


Yesterday, an elderly woman was literally driving with a piece of paper in front of her face. She then abruptly stopped in the middle of Colorado Blvd.

Three cars were involved in a rear end collision. Seconds before, I had  moved over to the turning lane. Fortunately, I was not part of the mayhem.

Senior Susie was so surprised to have been slammed.

Slowly, she climbed out of the car, glasses and directions in hand and started screaming at the drivers…aghast that anyone had invaded her space.

By the way, I am not an ageist as I am cruising on the highway to elderly hell. I am just offering an honest observation of shitty senior driving.

A word of advice to the Baby Boomers…before damage is done, have your parental units road tested and everyone, please drive defensively.

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