I was Mrs. Eli Manning…

In my dreams…literally. 2 am last night and I was awakened by a blinding migraine. I could not drag myself out of bed to take my medicine because I was semi-conscious and aware that I was in the middle of an amazing dream.

I am not physically attracted to Eli Manning. My husband is much better looking, but I would definitely consider drawing up an offensive scheme or strategy to be the NY Giants quarterback’s significant other for just 1 game day.

I am no V. Stiviano and would never even consider seating next to Donald Sterling during a Clippers game, but a bit of time with Eli…yes.

Can you imagine what a turn on it would be to break bread with the Manning family and talk football over Thanksgiving dinner with Archie, Peyton, Cooper and Eli…talk about orgasmic.

Here’s the way my dream played out. I was in the stands at Giants Stadium (I don’ care who paid for the rights…it will always be Giants Stadium). Eli was dressed all Hugo Boss with his rep tie loosened. I kept asking him if he was okay because he was so quiet. He casually responded, “I am fine. Just getting psyched to beat the shit out of the Cowboys (that’s hot!)”

I turn to my left and Queen Elizabeth, dressed in Royal Blue, the color of the NY Giants helmet and uniforms, is standing next to me. I commented that I didn’t know she was a football fan (not futbol). She said she loved the NY Giants and I immediately felt Royal and, instantaneously, a bond develop with QE.

I asked if I should curtsy and she said, “That would be lovely.” Despite my childhood ballet training and Pilates dedication, I lost my balance and  bumped Her Majesty.

I said, “Oh my, I touched the Queen…that’s a no no.” She graciously responded, “You are Mrs. Eli Manning, no worries.”

I turned to Eli and pledged undying love and followed him and salsa king, Victor Cruz, to the locker room to suit up for the game and then the nightmare started… the dogs had the audacity to awaken me at 6am from my fantasy.

Damn, I wanted to be in that locker room and see Eli and my boys suit up and then decimate the hated Cowboys.

I actually experienced a similar real life episode when the Giants played the 49ers in 1986. I had Huey Lewis and the News singing the National Anthem during the Monday Night Football game. What a game…Mark Bavaro caught a pass and dragged several 49er defenders into the end zone for a touchdown.

The Giants went on to win the game and, ultimately, win Super Bowl XXI, defeating the Denver Broncos 39-20 on January 25th, 1987.

I was standing on the field, behind the Giants bench during that 49ers game and NY Giants defensive great, Lawrence Taylor, picked me up at the conclusion of their huge win and carried me towards the locker room…no dream, real life fantasy come true.

Back to reality, my migraine was exploding, but I was able to balance the pain with the memory of my brief reign as Mrs. NY Giants…that was my wet dream.