As of today, Queen E. is reigning from a hospital bed.

Believe it or not, her present medical issue stems from her dislike of healthy foods.

I monitor her diet, but like a rebellious teenager she is constantly planning covert eating reconnaissance.

Despite valiant efforts to keep her lifestyle healthy, I have always known that her ideal breakfast is coffee cake, a muffin or scone with a tank of strong coffee and a cigarette for dessert.

Fried chicken, hot dogs, corned beef sandwich are a desired lunch even though the name of the game is salad or a “nice” tuna or fresh sliced turkey sandwich.

A preferred dinner is her lifelong obsession, Chinese food…chocolate or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch ice cream her late night fantasy.

What sent her into a nightmare of excruciating pain this time was a dose of leftover Chinese food.

I read her the riot act and spoke with her aides.

So yesterday I pulled out the big guns and had the doctors at the hospital tag team with me and we hit her with our best shot.

The reality remains to be seen.

She is 98 so I need to throw her a chocolate bone, a fried chicken wing and a pint of ice cream every now and then.

After all, she has made it this far with the I Don’t Give A Damn diet and has never had a weight issue.

But, these forays into the pain zone and loss of breath are not fun for anyone.

Grilled salmon and broccoli, anyone?!