Belles Beach House Is A Bust…LA Restaurant Review

Stark reality.

I aged out of a restaurant.

Belles Beach the latest offering from Nick Mathers and Wish You Were Here dining group of Eveleigh (West Hollywood) and Elephante (Santa Monica) fame, recently debuted Belles at Venice Beach.

It has a Tiki bar Hawaiian flavor and is adorned with wood, bamboo and in my opinion, the worst soundtrack.

The venue features an impressive outdoor covered patio bar, indoor restaurant as well as an additional al fresco dining area.

We visited on a Sunday and I think a 40 year-old would feel out of place.

We had a conversation with a 20-something couple sitting next to us and they had no idea who Billy Joel is (😥).

There was a line to get in and they were turning away scantily clad females without reservations.

Bra tops were more abundant than food…alcohol flowed.

The service was horrible.

The food was uninspired.

We kicked things off with Rock Shrimp Tempura which never made it to the table.

The rest of the order arrived all at once since the goal is to keep things turning over unless you want to drink until Uber is your only exit strategy.

The Miso Maple Salad with little gem lettuce, crispy quinoa, avocado, heart of palm, jicama and snap peas was fresh, but bland. I requested more dressing which showed up an hour later ($15).

The Fried Chicken Burger with pineapple coleslaw, pickles and sauce looked to be a high quality piece of chicken, but the bread was untoasted and bland and the fried chicken tasteless and crunchless ($15).

The overpriced Lobster hand roll with miso mayo, sweet soy was uninspired ($16).

Sushi is a big item on the menu with most falling into the unoriginal spicy roll category.

The cut up Grilled Sweet Corn was the standout item ($10).

My Aperol Spritz was terrible, lukewarm and served in a small glass

We inquired about dessert and we were informed that the kitchen closes between 3:30-4pm.

Hello…isn’t that a bit of information that should be shared when you sit down at 3pm!

We fled after valiantly attempting to get a check and walked the 30 steps to the Venice Boardwalk.

What a dump.

Sad and deeply eroded. We used to bike through the area  on weekends when we lived at the beach in Marina Del Rey.

The only Venice in my future is in Italy.

Honestly, if you are not in the market to find a skanky date then I think you will agree that this newbie won’t ring your Belle.

Belles Beach House 24 Windward Avenue Venice, California. Open Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 4-11pm, Thursday 4pm-Midnight, Friday 4pm-1am, Saturday 10am-1am and Sunday 10am-11pm. Reservations by SevenRooms on the Belles Beach website. Street and lot parking.

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