Every night for six months I have to scrub my bathrooms.

Add sanitation engineer to my resume.

I have always adhered to daily bathroom cleaning, but more recently I am talking hosing the sucker down and going through a six pack of wipes weekly.

Contractors, painters, tile workers go to the bathroom more than a newborn baby and they never have perfect aim.

How can you tile an entire bathroom or kitchen with precision and cut an exact ceiling line with a fine paintbrush and not hit a wide mark in a toilet?

It makes no sense.


They have gun ranges…I think I have been to every range in America because Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull was a gun range fanatic…anyway, I digress. My point is shouldn’t they line adolescent boys up at a urinal range and have them practice aim?!

It is socially impolite and very unsanitary to constantly miss the mark.

Women do as well…I blame inferior quad strength when women squat over a public toilet, but this is all about the male species today.

I even tried hiring a female contractor, but she had too many emotional issues. Maybe at some point in the future, robots will be able to perform renovation duties.

I now have a posse of painters with terrible aim who use all 3 bathrooms multiple times a day. As I compose this post they have all just performed their ablutions and are squatting on paint cans eating their lunch in my bedroom. That image should make for sweet dreams.

What an enlightening experience this renovation has been.

As Elvis Costello crooned, My Aim Is True…that is the song you men should all be singing.

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