Life can be a real pain in the ass.

This time it was a pain in the mouth.

Out of the blue, I started to have a nagging toothache.

I went to a Wednesday matinee to see, Bandstand, which was a typical throwback musical, but the innovative choreography and incredible vocals by Laura Osnes put the musical in a different light.

I digress to avoid the painful scenario.

Back on point, on the way home the pain intensified which led to a rough night.

Always suffering the ravages of white coat syndrome, I hesitantly visited my dentist who pronounced the words we are all dying to hear, root canal.

I was advised to get my throbbing mouth down to East 35th street pronto where I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours.

2 minutes into the exam the endodonist said, “tooth cracked, massive infection, bye bye, oral surgeon time.”

By now, we have arrived at 4pm and all the dentists had headed home to floss.

I was told by both professionals that Dr. Ward is the city’s top notch excavator, but would the God of the Orifice work on a Friday during the summer?

I paced with pain all night long and at 8:30am with an assist from the kindest, gentlest dentist, Dr. Levy, I was told to get my decayed self to Madison Avenue and 57th (thinking ahead, would I be well enough to shop afterwards as this is prime retail therapy real estate?!)

After a anxiety filled  90 minute wait which included a grand entrance by two nuns (was this an omen), I met the absolutely charming Dr. Ward who lives up to his reputation.

For the third time in a month I was knocked out and not up and it was all over.

Now, I have to deal with a crater the size of a NYC pothole for 12 weeks before I have to go through implants…not of the breast ilk.

In this adventure of firsts, I experienced my first go round with the much talked about opioid, Hydrocondone.

The pain disappeared and it felt like all the plane rides I wish I could have…smooth sailing, no turbulence, but, thankfully, the thrill is gone and I would never buy into the addiction.

Timing being everything, my husband is out of town for a week on a business trip.

Pinch hitting for David is my amazing daughter who took care of me for two days.

Placing a positive spin on things, I am just wondering how much the extracted tooth weighed.

Plus, I haven’t consumed much food.

Perhaps weight loss could lead to the marketing of the oral surgery cleanse.

Photo:ArchedWired