Fast Track…

Clean Colon.


But the pre and post colonoscopy adventure is heinous.

Monday, I fasted all day.

It was my Kolon Nidri.  (Kol Nidre Prayer recited in the synagogue at the beginning of the evening service on the Day of Atonement).

So my day of atonement began Monday at 6am.

I never thought I would have Jello for breakfast, especially without whipped cream, but the colonoscopy menu is very limited.

After indulging in red Jello (yes, you can now do red) and 2 popsicles, I was out.

Way too much sugar.

You are restricted to clear liquids.

Why isn’t Vodka on the list? It would be a hell of a lot easier to get through the day.

Anyway, by 4pm, when you have to start the laxatives and the gallons of hideous gag inducing MiraLAX, you just want to sleep it off.

But, no.

At 9pm you go another round of laxatives and liquid.

Exhausted, you then spend the waning hours shivering in the bathroom.

My colonoscopy was set for 6am with a requested 5:45am arrival.

I beat everyone only to discover that the actual procedure only starts at 6:30.

The best part is the anesthesia and a delightful 20 minute $200 snooze.

In the aftermath, I just have to deal with a top 10 migraine and plenty of residual toilet time.

But my colon is cool…thankfully, it is 10 years until the follow up to, Colon Catastrophe, The Tube Strikes Back.

That is a true horror show.

One Comment

  1. Paula Lopez says:

    At least you were the first one in! Kol Nidre could have lasted way into the day!

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