Bummer, Dude…


Yesterday was a heart attack wrapped in ineptitude.

it all started at 6am with a heartwarming call with Optimum…optimum inefficiency and stupidity.

This was my 14th call to them regarding my mother’s cable account.

Call me crazy, but why do they keep charging for cable when the equipment was returned in January?

I stated that fact to Henry.

No yelling. Just an emphatic, controlled honest statement.

His response, “M’am be civilized. There’s a human on the line.”

Startling inappropriate, the false, defamatory statement made me want to eviscerate Hank.

Yet, I rose to the occasion and conducted myself with extraordinary self restraint.

“Are you reading that charming comment off of an index card, Optimum Hank?”

I let Hanky know that I hadn’t even started and if he wanted uncivilized l would be happy to oblige.

Calling me m’am is a good way to bring the beast out in me.

Then my mom called.

She was at the hospital. She fell at the gym and is back among the wounded.

Two adults close at hand and she went down. Maybe the aide and the physical therapist need aides…go figure.

Just yesterday she had spent an entire day bandage free.

Now she is wrapped up like a mummy.

Next, the contractor encounter.

He has been dodging my calls and texts for weeks and I am desperately in need of kitchen closure to wrap up the house renovation.

The backsplash looks like the work of the visually  impaired.

Another battle and the lesson learned, yet again, is you just can’t fix stupid.

Then my daughter called with more jolly news.

She is in Los Angeles staying at our place and she called to say that the mailman had placed a sign on the mailbox declaring our home, “Unoccupied.”

I went postal.

We had gone through the exercise of forwarding our mail, playing the $2 fee.

You get what you pay for.

There were other annoying occurrences, but why bother to elaborate.

By 2pm I was ready for bed or an escape from reality.

Everyday crap can be so angina inciting.

How does trump cope?

I guess that watching TV in the White House executive family residence all by himself, eating his way through a stressful day by bingeing on junk food, wiping his KFC grease drenched tiny hands on his shining navy Big & Tall suit, reducing stress by tweeting bile filled, ‘uncivilized’ remarks…these are Trumpian coping skills.

Maybe I should try that.





  1. Cathy Newman says:

    Oh my gosh….Too much!!! Poor you. No wonder you are losing your stripes!! I’m so sorry you can’t catch a break, dear friend. Hang in there.

  2. OY- May it all Passover!

  3. 1. I hope mum (get it mum instead of mom bc she’s wrapped up like a mummy hehehe) is OK, along with the aides and the aides aides. But mostly just mum.
    2. You are too funny, I love your sarcasm. The world can be SO annoying but sarcasm def makes the lemonade 💛
    3. I really hope you actually asked Hanky if he read that off of an index card..!! Hahahaha love!!!

    • I did ask Hanky and gave him a verbal spanky!!
      Love the mum reference…I like totally got it right away, like I’m so smart. Just like Humpty Trumpty.

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