Like Just Stop It…

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modernistaonabudget.com

It’s time for a cathartic bitchfest.

OMG, millennials, Please, stop saying, “like!”

I had to abruptly vacate a barstool last night because a twenty-something literally said like every other word.

It is especially redundant when females are consuming alcohol. The volume goes up and the repetition is staggering.

The guy she was with and attempting to bed was starting to drown in likes. The clue? His eyes were rolling to the back of his head.

I split at the 20 minute mark.

Of course, me being me, when I took flight, I loudly said, “Like good like bye….like, like, like, like, like.”

The bimbo was startled and the guy laughed.

Clocking many miles around the city I have noticed women’s apparel or lack there of.

Ladies and teenagers just because cut offs jeans are in does not mean you are a candidate.

No matter the age, take a good hard look in the mirror before donning the short shorts which barely cover the hinterland.

TMI, peeps.

Stop reading and texting when walking.

I will become aggressive.

I rarely pass anyone in NYC who is NOT on their phone.

It seriously does not appear that the offenders are on their way to perform surgery or concerned about a patient in ICU unless doctors these days operate in shorts or crop tops.

Smoking…please stay off my street. It is a cancer alley these days, looking like the heavy metal fog machine dominated rock videos of the ’80s.

And, believe it or not, smoking is banned in Central Park. Read the f’ing signs…you can’t fix¬†stupid…tossing ¬†your butts on the lawns and into the bushes is obscene.

Drivers, the outside or passing lane is NOT for people who enjoy cruising under the speed limit. Move the F over!

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When did chewing with your mouth open become de rigueur?

Chew with your mouth closed. I am across from you in the restaurant and I don’t want to see what you are masticating.

Which brings me to a scenario witnessed recently at Barney Greengrass.

A woman of substance ordered a cheese omelette.

That was already a questionable selection at the center of the smoked fish universe.

When the piping hot dish arrived, she manhandled the omelette, held it over her head, opened her pie hole and let the melted cheese drip into her gaping orifice.

Once the cheese had completed its meltdown she crumbled the omelette into a ball and shoved it in.

It was an accident scene one could not avoid, especially since she was sitting in front of me…vomiticious.

I have changed the ring on my cell to barking dogs. Just a reminder that I would rather be barked at by canines than people I don’t even know.

I understand that the heat is on all over the country, but curb the barking and let’s all calm down.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

Enjoy your weekend.

dogcartoonalexgregory

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